Humor: A Mother’s Dictionary

Bottle Feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re gonna let the children play outside.
Drooling: How babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate strained carrots.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What its too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child that is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Temper Tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two Minute Warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into, “get a sponge.”